The first action to be taken after the death is to cover the body. Then you will need to inform the office as soon as possible, so that we can proceed with processing the formalities for the funeral. If at this moment you would like spiritual assistance of a member of our clergy team, please don’t hesitate to ask for it.
Next, you have to obtain a certificate of death from a doctor and register the death at The Registrar of Births, Marriages & Deaths at The Town Hall in the centre of Leeds. A green slip will be given to you by The Registrar, which needs to be taken as soon as possible to the office of Etz Chaim.
Once you have completed these actions, the arrangements will be taken off your hands as the office will deal with all aspects of the funeral and then Shivah. Members of Etz Chaim are not charged for a funeral.
“The dust shall return to the earth as it was: and the spirit shall return unto God who gave it” – (Eccl. 12:7), is a fundamental principle in Judaism. Therefore, as much as it may seem difficult, an immediate burial is the greatest act of respect and kindness that we can do for the deceased. Only in very special circumstances is postponing of the funeral to the next day allowed; such a dispensation will require a consultation with a Rabbi, and the Rabbi may feel that he has to consult with his colleagues, as it is a very serious matter.
On Shabbat or Yom Tov, all the arrangements should be postponed till the conclusion of Shabbat. A family member or a friend should stay with the deceased.
At this time, we will finishing off by creating an online memorial page via LJOC: www.ljoc.org.uk. Our loving memorial pages act as a space for family and friends long and far to share memories, photos and even donate in their honour. It will also act as a reminder for Yahrzeit – and become part of the family tree for years to come due to its searchable presence on Google and other search engines.
Following a death, Jewish law prescribes mourning for any one of seven close relatives of the deceased – spouse, father, mother, son, daughter, brother and sister.
The period from the moment one learns about the death of a loved one until burial is called aninut. One is not yet a mourner, but most of the traditions related to mourning are observed during this period of time. In addition, one is exempt from most mitzvot – commandments so as to be free to arrange for the funeral and burial. Obviously, the bereaved should not work or engage in business. Eating is kept to a minimum, meat or wine shouldn’t be consumed. Where Shabbat or a festival occurs between the death and the funeral, the status of aninut is suspended.
Etz Chaim’s Cemetery is located at New Farnley:
717 Whitehall Road, LS12 6JL
At the cemetery, the coffin and mourners gather inside the Ohel ie The Chapel for The Burial Service. A central part of the service is called Tziduk Hadin – The Justification of Judgment, which represents the willingness of the mourner to accept what has happened and not to challenge G-D’s justice. However, on festive or semi-festive days of Jewish calendar this prayer is replaced by other scriptural readings.
After the service, all present make their way to the place of burial. After the coffin is placed in the ground, mourners and friends should add three shovelfuls of earth to the grave. When passing the shovel to the next person it is placed on the earth and not handed to the next person’s hand.
After Kaddish is recited by the mourner(s), the friends form two parallel lines, allowing the mourners to walk in between and accept their consolations.
Thus, the period of aninut ends and the bereaved is no longer an onein. The period of avelut – mourning begins; it lasts 12 months for the death of a parent, and 30 days for the other relatives.
Shivah begins once the mourner returns to the house. A meal of consolation – seudat havra’a is prepared by a friend or a family member (who is not a mourner) and offered to the mourners; customary, it consists of a hard boiled egg and bagels. Like the world, these foods are round indicating that death will eventually come round and affect us all. This is eaten sitting in a low chair, on which the mourners will sit till the end of the Shivah (the chairs are supplied and delivered to the house by the shul). This requirement is intended to reinforce the mourners’ inner emotions. In English we speak of “feeling low,” as a synonym for depression; in Jewish law, the depression is acted out literally.
Candles should be kindled in the house of mourning in memory of the deceased, symbolizing the idea “The soul of man is God’s candle” (Proverbs 20:27).The candles are kindled upon returning from the cemetery and kept burning for the entire period of shiva. 24-hour yahrzheit candles or a week-long candle are useful for this purpose.
For the entire week of the Shivah, the mourners remain in the house of mourning, and their relatives and friends come to fulfil the mitzvah of nichum aveilim- (consoling the mourner) and participate in prayers. If no minyan – (prayer quorum of ten men) can be assembled, (as it is usually the case for the morning service), the mourners should leave the house of mourning to attend services in the Synagogue and recite the Kaddish. Before the prayers start, mirrors, pictures, or sculptures should be either covered or removed, and two candles are lit (there is no a specific blessing to recite when lighting these candles, but you may say or reflect that you light the candle in honour of the deceased).
During the Shivah, mourners shouldn’t bathe, shave, trim hair, wear leather shoes, work, launder, iron, or engage in marital relationships. One of the most fundamental laws of Jewish mourning is the prohibition of working and doing business during Shivah. Even if due to special circumstances the mourners don’t want to have visitors and prayers for the entire Shivah, it is essential that they will observe the mourning rituals of the Shivah for the entire seven-day period. The Shivah is a grieving process which has been tested and proved effective for millions of mourners. On many occasions, people who tried to cut the Shivah short, have later reported relapses into mourning and depression and feelings of absence of a proper closure.
As the Shivah is completed – haircuts, shaving, listening to music, dancing and attending Simchas should be avoided for 30 days. For those mourning a parent, the bereavement lasts 12 months.
To keep the online memorial page via LJOC as a valuable lasting memory of your loved one, it will be just £30 for the whole year after the first year. Visit your beloved ones online memorial, and click to “enable automatic renewal” at the bottom of the page to ensure you don’t lose this memory.
If you would like to give Tzedokah in their honour, you can visit their online memorial page via LJOC. The proceeds of this donation are a valuable contribution towards maintaining our cemetery, and those within Leeds Jewish Orthodox Cemeteries.
“When relatives and friends contribute to a worthy cause in the memory of a deceased person, through their actions, they make the soul of the deceased active in this world again. It gives the soul pleasure and fulfilment and elevates it to a higher spiritual status than it achieved before. No gift can be more precious!” – Dayan Kupperman
If those bereaved want more halachic guidance or just help and support, please don’t hesitate to contact either Dayan Kupperman or Rabbi Gilbert.
Etz Chaim is a vibrant and dynamic Synagogue located in the heart of the Jewish area in the north of Leeds.
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